Thursday, 22 March 2012

Sore and Sorry for Myself

I'm feeling very sorry for myself today.

I saw the doctor this morning and had my flu shot. The doctor decided I was due for a blood test, so I did that as well while I was out. Then I remembered we were out of milk, and thought I may as well get a few things from the supermarket.

After either a needle or a blood test, I ought to have come straight home for a nap.  Waiting at the check-out, I found I was using the supermarket trolley to prop me up, as my ankles, hips and knees all announced they were going on strike. I started to get the shakes putting my shopping on the checkout counter, my shoulders, wrists, elbows and fingers all saying they were done for the day, and stop trying to force them to do overtime.

Fortunately, my son was at home and brought the groceries in for me.

Since then, I've been lying in bed in pain, crying.

These are the days I wish I wasn't single, that there was someone to lie beside me and hold me until the hurt stops. (They're also the days when I know I no longer have the energy or anything else left to put into starting or maintaining a relationship.)

I was asked once why I don't say "Why me?" But I've seen so many really bad things happen to so many people, that I can't see that what happens to me is really any worse. But it is my pain, and some days I do feel a bit sorry for myself.

When dinnertime came around, I went to get my tablets, and discovered I hadn't taken my lunchtime ones - I'd been without pain relief since breakfast.  Pills helped a lot. I'm still a bit sore, but nothing like the afternoon I've had!

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