I have a very bad habit, and I know I'm not the only lupie guilty of this. I overdo things.
Sometimes I just miscalculate what I can and can't do. Sometimes I know it's too much, but I do it anyway because it's something I really, really, want to do. Sometimes, I feel I need to do something for someone else. Sometimes I do things because I feel guilty about all the things I can't do.
It doesn't really matter why. The fact is that I overdo things, and I do it by choice.
Take, for example, the Toastmasters Club I recently joined.
On Monday this week, I had my first turn as the toastmaster - that's basically a master of ceremonies. My job was to make sure the meeting was following the agenda, going to the anticipated time on the agenda, introduce people (who we all knew anyway), and have something interesting or semi-interesting to say to fill in gaps.
It required some preparation, a lot of concentration, and a lot of getting up and sitting down and getting up and sitting down.
Immediately prior to the meeting starting I was asked by some of the older members if I would be willing to be nominated as VPE (Vice President Education) when we have to elect officers again soon. I hummed and haa-ed, but was persuaded to give it a go.
After the meeting, my daughter and I stopped off at a supermarket. I had friends visiting for pizza and a movie later in the day, and wanted to get some pizza ingredients. Firstly, I couldn't find my way around a supermarket that I know really well. Then, I had no idea what goes on a pizza, and had to ask my daughter to sort it out for me.
At that point, my daughter pointed out, that if I was that tired and brain-fogged after just being toastmaster, I really shouldn't be VPE.
I had to agree she was right.
A short nap later, I managed to be vaguely human and enjoy my friends' visit. On Tuesday, however, all I did was sleep. It was all I could do.
That's making me a little concerned. You see, recently I told the minister at the local church that I was sure I was well enough to lead worship from time to time - a task which also takes a lot of standing, a lot of preparation, and concentration.
I love leading worship so much, that I really, really do want the opportunity to continue to do it. But if I do, it looks like I need to plan my time so that I can have a day or two out to rest afterwards.
It's always a matter of balance, is the thing I'm presented with the opportunity to do worth the amount of time it will take me to recover? Like many of you, I have to carefully work out the pros and cons of the activity, and the exhaustion, confusion and physical pain to follow.
While I'm here, I must mention, that if you don't hear from me much next week, it's because a friend is taking me jetskiing on Monday. That will definitely be worth it.
And while you're here, why don't you hope over to the Lupus Survey and fill it out if you haven't already? There's no identifying information requested, and next month we can have a look at the results maybe learn more about ourselves as a group.