Lots of people will say, "You don't look sick" or "You look well", to lupies.
Most of the time, they're trying to be nice, and I accept it as a compliment of sorts.
I know, however, that many lupies get sick of being expected to either "look sick" or "act well". There's some sort of belief that only people who look sick really are.
I actually go to a lot of effort with make-up to try to not look sick. When the make-up's off, people who know me can tell when my lupus is flaring, or when I've done too much.
I get a light pink "butterfly" rash on my face. It's not really severe, and you'd have to know me to notice it. Some lupies have strong red rashes, and some even hurt. Of course there's also some lupies who never get a rash, or any other visible sign of what's going on in their bodies.
Lupus is different for everyone who has it.
You can't judge a book by its cover, or a lupie by her (or his) appearance.
If someone you know has lupus, and they say they can't manage something, they probably can't. Even if they look perfectly healthy, they'll have limitations on how much energy they have and what they can achieve with it.
Related post: Ask An Expert: Concealing Lupus Rashes