Sometimes I get mad at myself. Other people with "mild" lupus are still able to keep working, why couldn't I?
I'm frustrated of course. I've just been advised my application for permanent retirement has been approved. A very big door has just closed.
Really, I'm sure retiring at 47 must be someone's ambition. I'm living the dream, right? Well maybe not in quite these circumstances.
As it is, I was comparing myself to other people. I was thinking that I'm clearly not as tough as other lupies.
Then my physiotherapist, valiantly trying to improve my tendonitis in my left hip said: "It's good that you have such a high threshold for pain."
Maybe I'm not such a wimp after all.
Maybe I shouldn't try to compare myself to other people who have lupus.
After all, the one thing that seems consistent about lupus is its utter inconsistency. No two people have exactly the same symptoms. We all just do the best we can with the limitations we have.