Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Positive Attitude?

There was an interesting conversation on the Sometimes, it is Lupus Facebook page today.  

It began with my good morning post: 

Good morning lovely lupies. 

It's Ekka holiday here in Brisbane. (That's our agricultural show, billed as "the country comes to the city".... showbags, sideshows, fireworks, that kind of thing.)

I didn't even consider going. The thought of hours on my feet, being jostled by crowds, and the fact that all the viruses that are circulating all around the state gather together in one place, just made me decide it really wasn't worth it. 

What about you lovely lupies? Are there things you don't even consider now, that you might have found fun before?

This began a conversation with people talking about what they had given up, and what they had substituted, such as a night out at the movies instead of a night out dancing - how we have found creative ways to be happy and do fun things despite our limitations.

Then this comment came through:

Sorry but why let lupus continue to dictate your life? Why stay at home whingeing about it? Get positive with your life. Learn to rule lupus and not let it rule you. It's depressing enough having it. The world's not going to stop for you. Stop feeling sorry for yourselves. Mind over matter people! Stay positive.

I haven't identified the person because I don't want to embarrass her further.  There were enough indignant and hurt responses to the original comment.

I quote it here because it's a good talking point.

No-one wants to miss out on life. None of us want to sit around doing nothing all day.  Regular readers will know my struggle with the whole issue of being "retired" so young.

But there are two kinds of positive attitude: realistic and unrealistic.

A realistic positive attitude will say, I know my limits, and will make the absolute most out of life within my limits.

An unrealistic positive attitude will say, I am going to act as if my limits don't exist and just push myself until I collapse.

Most of us have tried the unrealistic attitude, which is perhaps more accurately called denial, at times, and have had to deal with the consequences.  Denial is one of those things people tend to go through at some stage in grief, in learning to come to terms with something we have lost. 

Lupies learn the hard way that denial can only last so long before reality sets in.

So am I sitting around whingeing (Australian slang - moaning and complaining)?  I don't believe so.  I think I have a fairly positive attitude on life.  I do take my knocks and do get upset by them at times, but most of the time I think I find creative ways to make the most out of the life I have.  Most of the lupies I know are doing the same thing.


  1. So true! You put this really well. I get frustrated with that "don't let it rule your life" attitude. I've tried that approach and I've regretted it. It's so much better to accept limitations but then make the most of things within those limitations, like you say. Thanks for shining a light on this.

  2. I am probably the most positive person I know. However, how can someone remain positive, if you have on a DAILY basis: Back pain, hip pain, wrist pain, headache, nausea, lack of appetite, hair falling out, sores in nose and mouth, rash (not daily, but often) muscle cramps, feet burning and WEAKNESS that is best described as "DEAD TIRED" and you just woke up an hour ago.?
    My stomach is really bad this week, next week may be joint pain, or rashes or headaches so bad I stay in bed all day. This sounds like a "pity party" , but in actuality it is a LUPUS SUFFERER'S life. Suffer is very descriptive. I take 17 pills in the morning, and 15 pills at night. That is not counting my pain medicine. But don't feel sorry for me. I have learned so much about my self, my health, and my life because I have been forced to find answers.


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