It seems like every day, there is something new to lose. And I didn't have much to begin with.
I walked away from my marriage with nothing - less than nothing, because I took debts. My ex-husband kept a couple of store cards that were charged to me and continued to use them for a while. He got the joint bank account, and I got the kids. There was no money for lawyers. I'm not bitter over that, just sad.
Within a year, my lupus was diagnosed, and my capacity to earn an income has been reduced over and over again in the six years since then.
The latest time I've stopped work, my income reduced just as my rent increased. A hard look at my finances says I can't afford to live here any more. But it's more than financial. I talked with my doctor about it last visit. Three people from my church had just been around to clean the house for me in preparation for a real estate agent's house inspection.
My GP said out loud what I have been struggling to come to terms with for myself for quite a while now: "Can you manage the house?"
The answer of course, is no.
Now that I can't afford a cleaner, the house is just not being cleaned. What happens when I can't afford the lawnmower men will be another issue.
I need to be somewhere much smaller, far less work to maintain, with no yard to look after. And I need things like to be on the ground floor, because I have some serious issues with stairs.
"You need to apply for public housing, get that started and I'll write a letter supporting it," she said.
I have a tertiary education - post-graduate, in fact. And I can no longer afford a home for my family, and I can't manage to look after a home for my family. It's a sad life lesson - anyone can end up in poverty, and anyone can become homeless.
So I'm filling in application forms, and realising that to move somewhere smaller, I will have to get rid of a lot of my possessions - so it's time to sort through what I can give away and what I can sell. And I have to do all of that with no energy, tons of pain, and the occasional bout of overwhelming brain fog.
National Health Blog Post Month - I'm using one of my two "get out of post free" days to write off topic.