Sunday, 14 October 2012

Lost: One Brain, If Found, Return Immediately

Before I cried off the mascara!
I messed up the church service today.

Firstly, I left the chorus out of the first hymn when I did the powerpoint for it - or at least left out some choruses, meaning everyone was struggling to try to fit the verse words into the chorus music.

Then, I realised part-way through the sermon, that I'd apparently left out several paragraphs I thought I'd written - there was a sudden jump so that it made no sense whatsoever, and I couldn't remember what I'd intended to say.

Then, I missed the communion hymn.

By the time we actually got to communion, I was so upset with all the mistakes I'd made, that I couldn't stop myself crying (absolutely, just what you need is the minister sniffing and having mascara run everywhere during the communion). And I read the narrative of institution (that story about the last supper, when communion was started) twice.

All of this means, I was suffering from a big brain fog problem, not only today, but also when I prepared the service.

I'm on a waiting list for the neurology department at the Royal Brisbane Hospital. I don't know how long that waiting list is, or what they can do for me when I do get my appointment. In the meantime, my memory and my thought processes just seem to be getting less and less reliable. At the same time, my headaches are becoming more frequent and more intense.

For me, I think the brain fog is the worst part of lupus.  Pain, I can take. Fatigue, I can just sleep through. But not being able to rely on my own mind - that is frightening.

1 comment:

  1. Ask about Tizanadine (muscle relaxer) for night, gives you better sleep and helps with headaches from my experience. Also, I take an antidepressant at night called remeron. Both of this in there lowest dose has helped me. It doesn't cure the problem, it just makes it happen less. I know it is hard for many to get into a specialist. Before I had private ins it would take a minimum of 3 mo to get into a specialist. Maybe your internist can help you out by allowing to try one of these (if your insurance covers them.) Good luck. I hope this info gives you somewhere to start. BTW it was a neurologist who prescribed these drugs but they are not hard core so I think the internist should be able to give you a script too. If they think it would be helpful.

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