Saturday, 28 July 2012

Stress and lupus flares go hand in hand. They seem to feed off each other. The worse I feel physically, the worse I feel emotionally. At the same time, emotional set-backs can start to tell physically if I'm not careful.

In the past couple of weeks, I've been starting to feel quite well again. (Well for me. I realise that some people would not consider that especially healthy - but I have been appreciating it.)

As I've emerged from the pain and fatigue, I've found I've been better able to take care of my emotional needs as well. I've gone back to having my quiet prayer time in the mornings, that my life just seemed too pressured to allow before. I'm finding it easier to stick to my Calorie King program - suddenly it's not a major effort to turn on the computer and write in everything I eat. Nor is it difficult to eat heaps of fruit and vegetables. And the time and effort to cook a proper meal doesn't seem such a burden as it was. I went to hydrotherapy once last week, and twice this week, slowly building up. All is going well. I even felt confident to try putting my profile on a dating site again.

Just today - I'm feeling bombarded by stressors.

The big one is money. I have some debts that were established when I was working full time and could pay for them easily - now they're a challenge to pay and my budget is very tight. My income comes from a variety of sources - some monthly from the bit of ministry work I do, a very little bit fortnightly from social security, and a quarterly pension from the church's superannuation fund. I expected the quarterly payment a couple of days ago. It hasn't come through yet, so all that's in the bank now is enough for next week's rent, as long as I don't buy food or petrol. That's one stressor.

Another is a conversation I had on-line today with a man who sought me out because I'm a minister. He was very angry and abusive towards me, because of something a member of another Christian denomination did many years ago. (I would have been a small child at the time.) To be fair, he wasn't just anti-Christian. He was anti-all-religion. I just happened to be a convenient target for the attack.

So today, I'm having a lying on the couch day. I'm trying to get things in perspective, and pick myself up to carry on.  I have had a slight eating binge, but stopped myself before I got too far. Right now, the important thing, is to get my head clear, get on top of the stress, before it does anything to harm me.


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