Friday, 8 June 2012

Bunnings, That's Where the Men Are

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For as long as I've been seeing my rheumatologist, he's had a couple of standard lectures for me. One of them is the one about how I should get married.

Yesterday, my GP joined the chorus.  It's been so long since Mr Wonderful and I broke up, I ought to be doing something about getting into another relationship.

She even had some helpful advice. I should go and hang out at Bunnings (hardware chain) because that's where the men are. Amazingly, she managed to deliver this profound advice with a straight face.

I hadn't known that Bunnings was the equivalent of the nightclub scene for people past a certain age (and am I ready to admit I am past that age?)

What kind of pick-up lines do you suppose people use there? "I see you're buying tomato seedlings. I like tomatoes too. You want to go out for a salad?" Or perhaps: "Hammer and nails - wow, you're just prepared for anything aren't you?"  Maybe: "Do you know which aisle the saws are in? I just love to cut things up, don't you?" How about: "We're buying the same kind of glue? Maybe we should stick together."

Of course, I have some problems with Bunnings. It's the kind of place a girl could break a fingernail.  Not only that but I gave a friend, who does shop there a lot, Bunnings gift vouchers for her birthday. I'm fairly sure that if she'd got a man with them, she would have mentioned it.

Beyond that, I always take one or other of the offspring if I have to go there. I may grow herbs and strawberries in pots, but I don't personally lift and carry bags of potting mix. Who meets a new partner when they're with their kids?

I'm also told that most men hang out at Bunnings on Sunday mornings. I'm kind of busy on Sunday mornings.

It all seems overly complicated, so I'm going to propose a new system. How about this? Bunnings introduces a "dating board".  Women can give them our photos and profiles (just like for an internet dating site), to go up on a big notice-board.  While men are browsing the aisles for their tools and toys, they can also collect contact details for women they might like as well.  That means we get the advantage of hanging out at Bunnings, without actually risking a nail by going there.

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