Thursday, 17 November 2011

Health Blogging Month Day 17: Giving up

Let It Be. What’s something that bothers you or weighs on you? Let it go. Talk out the letting go process and how you’re going to be better to yourself for it.

I've already had to let go of so much.

My sense that my value came from the work I do. (Now, the work I do is such a minor part of a life that is mostly focused on caring for myself.)

My sense that to be a good mother I have to do everything my kids need. (I've had to learn that the best thing I can do is teach them how to be independent of me as much as possible – and some of those lessons have been hard for all of us.)

My sense that what I earn financially is a reflection of the value of what I do. (I've had to learn to live on less, and it will soon be dramatically less again. I'm learning a standard of living isn't about what you have, it's what you do with the life you have.)

What do I have left to give up?

My sense of independence. I still want to be able to do everything for myself. I am still embarrassed, even though I'm grateful, when others do things for me that I believe I ought to be able to do for myself. I still have a driving need to see that I have done something worthwhile. (My doctor put it this way: “You're personality's coming through, you're trying to achieve things again. You've got to suppress that.”) I do need to let go of that. I need to accept that what will be will be. If God chooses to use what I can do for something worthwhile, that is great. If all I do today is sleep and take my pills, that is just as good. That's a hard lesson to learn, but I'm working on it. When (if) I finally achieve it, I will be more free to enjoy those things I can achieve – because they're something extra or special, not just what I expect of myself. And I won't be so embarrassed when I can't do things myself.

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days:

1 comment:

  1. I can relate because I struggle with the same. My independence is very important and I am a very proud person (for a lack of a better word). I do appreciate help but I often feel bad within that I needed it in the first place, yes I need to work on that too. Thank you for the post.


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